Losing Your Mind for the Sake of Your Heart

It’s a difficult thing when something ends. It doesn’t matter if it was absolutely flawless or completely toxic – when something that you’ve become accustomed to comes to a screeching halt or even a long drawn out halt, you’re left wondering what could have been done to keep that pulse from flatlining. Case in point – relationships.

What could I have done differently? What could I have said? What decisions could I have made?

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Then again, there are times when you know for damn certain that you did everything you could to breathe life into that thing that you wanted so badly to live. A lovely co-worker commented the other day that I’d make a damn great paramedic based on how determined I am to try to resuscitate things. (Enough to go against total logic, follow my heart and give someone a second chance, for example) And at that point you are standing outside yourself, watching in completely awe as the effort you exert completely goes to waste – it’s being taken for granted. It’s making you physically ill and exhausting you. And you finally notice how often you’re being dragged through the mud.

Then and only then is it somewhat comfortable to wave the white flag and lay whatever that thing is you fell so hard for to rest. Cause you know in the deepest parts of your heart that you did everything you could. And that hurts something fierce because having something that you love stare blindly back at you while you’re sweating and straining and suffering is the most painful.

 

But this is what I’ve gathered. And it took me way too long to get here but listen up – I deserve more. You deserve more. I admittedly have fairly low self esteem, but this is about digging deep and recognizing self-worth. Even I can see that. Maybe this is directed at myself, but this is what everyone deserves – and in a relationship, it goes both ways.

1. You deserve a support system.
A relationship is a team, two people together as a fearless unit. Even if they don’t have the answers or the solution, you deserve encouragement, comfort, a shoulder to cry on and two open ears. You deserve someone who listens and even if they don’t share your interests, they respect them.

2. You deserve actions that speak louder than words ever could.
They do not just say that they love you, they show it. You are never left wondering. You deserve someone who doesn’t use a few affectionate actions as a quota that needs to be filled. THERE IS NO QUOTA. There is no gold star and dusting of your shoulders for a job well done. You deserve consistent displays of love, no matter what form that comes in. You deserve someone who acknowledges your displays of love.

3. You deserve to be someone’s priority. Not an afterthought.
You deserve to be first choice. Not an option.

4. You deserve unwavering trust. You deserve assurance that the person you are with wants to be there, is there, and is not with anyone else.

5. You deserve someone that won’t hurt you. (This is a perfect world) If this person does hurt you, you deserve someone who will hold you until the aching stops, until the fear and pain recede. They will say sorry and they will be sorry until they know you feel protected again.

6. You deserve someone who admits their mistakes.

7. You deserve to not lose touch with who you are. You deserve your best self to shine through because this person adores your shiniest self.

8. You deserve someone who wants to build a future and has both of your best interests at heart, not solely their own. They wonder about we, not about I. Not to mention they root for you and your dreams, not against them.

9. You deserve someone who doesn’t lump you into a category with everyone else – especially a NEGATIVE category. You deserve someone that doesn’t place the mistakes of others on your shoulders, expecting you to carry that weight. You deserve someone who sees you as unblemished and unspoiled unless you give them reason to think otherwise.

10. You deserve to not have to make daily excuses and justifications for someone’s behaviour. Especially your significant other.

We’ll cut this list short at ten.

Wait. Another one for good measure.

11. You deserve someone who fights for you. Because you fight for them. Because you are worth it.

This is what everyone deserves. It hurts like hell to pour your whole heart in and open up and love someone and finally realize that they are choosing not to provide this for you – or are simply incapable – but someone out there surely will. Do not settle for less.

And that’s what I’ve learned. Better late than never.